Funny Things to Say When Subbing on Twitch
Guys, I think my friend is addicted to spending money on female Twitch streamers
He's showing dangerous simptoms
How do you call a collaboration on Twitch?
Crossing the Streams.
What do you call a cow with a twitch?
Beef jerky
Did you hear about the circumcisionist with a twitch in his hand???
He slipped and got the sack
When my roommate streams on Twitch I like to invade his chat with puns. Thought you might enjoy
What do you call a mint that downloads twitch streams?
A Live Saver
If America did have a purge night, there would absolutely be twitch streamers hosting a "Let's Slay"
Explanation:taking on the topic of Lets Play.
Thought this would be better on Shower thoughts but I was pointed here because of the word play aspect.
German guy in my chat got me while streaming on Twitch
While I was streaming Skyrim, my character got killed by a Giant.
German guy goes: "Don't be sad about your character because sad is just das spelled backwards and das is not good."
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
People with eye twitches always look so well rested...
It must be because they're always getting twenty winks
My 16 year old son told me I was a simp (probably because I'm looking to get into a new relationship), after I looked up the meaning I told him:
You must be a Simpson then.
What do you call a twitching boat at the bottom of the ocean?
A nervous wreck
What lies on the ocean floor twitching uncontrollably?
A nervous wreck
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef
What do you call a cow that has been knighted?
Sir Loin
What do you call a cow with a twitch?
Beef Jerky
What do you call a cow that dies in a helicopter crash?
Kobe Beef
Gerald, a young bull elephant was using the bathroom at his girlfriend's Bethany's apartment when he noticed one of those little pregnancy test things, tucked behind the cupboard...
... he picked it up carefully with his trunk and peered at the little window with a racing heart...
Positive! ... Brenda was pregnant!
OMG... fear, excitement, shock... and yet more worrying "why hasn't she told me?"
A hundred scenarios raced through his head, his ears trembling, his trunk twitching as each played out...
Finally he calmed... maybe she was waiting for the right moment to tell him the news?
He chose to be patient... he watched her carefully the whole day, carefully avoiding anything that might show that he knew... but Bethany gave no hints whatsoever.
Several days went by, and he grew more and more anxious.
Finally, he could take it no longer...
"Bethany..." he said
"It's time we discussed the elephant in the womb".
Due to the quarantine,
I'll only be telling inside jokes.
This Sacramento comedy show is basically a pun-themed rap battle
A few years ago, we started a show that I quite frankly never thought would work.
Nearly four years later, including two sold out appearances at San Francisco Sketchfest and a local TV featurette, our show "Capitol PUNishment" is now streaming on Twitch Friday night at 8:30pm PST.
I hope it's ok to post this in here. If not, feel free to remove with no hard feelings. Just encouraging pun lovers to check out what is best described as "a fast-paced, in-the-moment spectacle that combines everything you love about gameshows, rap-battles, and "dad" jokes, into a unique and hilarious competitive format."
Our channel is twitch.tv/capitolpuns
Here's a little video to help paint the picture: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2RE9PgmfXo
My wife twitches when falling asleep...
And we're not talking little finger twitches, these are big, full body jerks. The kind you get when you feel like you're falling and wake up suddenly.
After a particularly big one, I asked "Are you a cow?"
She said "No, why?"
"Because if you were you would be beef jerky."
Without missing a beat, she asks: "Because of how much I moooove?"
It's humerus, trust me.
A person was twitching nervously on the street.
A police officer came by and asked, "Who's your dealer?"
The person just stared him in the face.
The police officer then said, "Nice poker face there."
I dare you to read this
What tree do you wipe your hands on? A palm tree!
I heard a scary math joke, but I'm 2^^2 to tell it!
Have you heard of that new movie, "Constipation"? Well it doesn't matter, it never came out.
I hurt myself when I went to a theme park in florida. When I went to the doctor, he started wrapping up my left leg, but then I pointed at my right and said "No, doc, it's dis knee."
Last night I got mugged by 6 dwarves. Not Happy.
When Queen Elizabeth farts, everyone in the room must pretend like nothing happened. Noble Gasses don't cause reactions, after all.
What's the difference between a seal and a sea lion? One electron.
What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises? It becomes Daytrogen!
I called the animal shelter today and said "I've found six kittens in a suitcase in the woods." They said "Are they moving?" I replied "I don't know, but that would explain the suitcase."
Why can't you trust Atoms? Because they make up everything!
Why do nerds wear glasses? It helps with division.
Why should you tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? You don't wanna wake the sleeping pills.
What twitches and is found at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous wreck!
What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller!
What do you call a 3 foot tall psychic on the run from the law? A small medium at large!
Help, I can't stop reading books with female protagonists! I'm a heroine addict!
How did Sparticus react when he ate his wife for dinner? He was gladiator!
When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline becomes apparent!
19 and 20 got into a fight… 21.
My friend told me, "People who sell meat are disgusting!" So I said, "Yeah, well people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer!"
How can turtles take photos of themselves? Shell-fie sticks!
What do you call a secret agent molecule? Bond… ionic bond. "Taken, not shared." What did the dinosaur say to the other dinosaur? (Cut this part, but make a screeching noise)
How much does Santa's sleigh cost? $0, it's on the house.
If America switched from pounds to kilograms overnight there would be mass confusion.
I had a splinter once; it eventually got out of hand.
I'm going to go stand outside. If anyone asks, I'm outstanding.
Most people are shocked to find out how terrible an electrician I am!
What do mermaids wash their fins with? Tide What's the coolest place to use the bathroom? The Lil Jon
Did you know that on average, people want three covers on their bed at all times? But that's just a blanket statem
... keep reading on reddit ➡
The most thought provoking dad joke with the best ending
Please note this contains sweari g but has the longest and best build up to a dad joke
Enjoy https://www.twitch.tv/videos/539694198
First time poster be gentle. If this is in here somewhere I'm sorry.
What do you call a cow with a twitch?
Beef jerky.
Where do salt lovers go to pray? [OC]
The taberNaCl.
(I would apologize, but this is /dadjokes)
(X-posted to jokes.)
Son says he is gay
Mother:Oh don't worry son, we love you for who you are
Dad:*clenches fists and twitches
Mother:Please don't do this
Dad:begins to have a spasm
Dad:Hi gay I'm dad
How to embarrass your kid
https://clips.twitch.tv/BelovedTriangularFalconStrawBeary
Hi Hungry! I'm Dad.
Dropped this nugget on my 9 year old for the millionth time in the car. 20 minute drive home from baseball practice . Today, he turned the tables. "Hi Driving, I'm Son. Hi Frowning, I'm Son. Hi Grimacing, I'm Son. Hi Twitching, I'm Son." So proud right now. #dadwin
What do you call a cow with a twitch
Beef Jerky
What do you call a cow with a twitch?
Beef jerky.
What do you call a cow with a twitch?
What do you call a cow with a twitch?
Beef Jerky
What do you call a cow with a twitch?
Beef jerky
What do you call a cow with a twitch?
Beef Jerky
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches?
A nervous wreck
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
What do you call a cow that twitches?
Beef jerky!
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Source: https://punstoppable.com/twitch-puns